I don't spoil my children. period.
Spoiling children is very easy to do, just give them everything they want and let them do everything that they want to do. Do everything for them, and when they make mistakes, you spare them the consequences, you don't let them get hurt or explore their surroundings. You provide them with everything, they don't even have to pick after themselves... and when they demand something...you hastily move heaven and earth just to provide it.
I do nothing of the sort...instead, I love my children unconditionally and believe in providing them with the nurturing environment that would help them discover and know their selves as a person of worth. I set boundaries and I try to live up to the demands of motherhood and parenting. I love my children, that I make sure that when it comes to their needs that are necessary for their growth, physically and psychologically, I provide it without them asking for it, because, children associate love and caring with the fulfillment of their needs. I have established a feeding schedule, and I know at what time they will be asking for milk and even before that, I have already prepared their bottles. I also know their sleep patterns and what variables could affect their sleeping schedule, like too much activity, strange environment, too much food or the lack of it, and their moods. I don't mean to say that my children are always easy to manage and that they are good tempered and behaved at all times. They also have their tantrums, their ill tempers, and their moods, which are all necessary and part of their self-exploration, because it helps them become who they are.
I do not tolerate ill-manners, nor disrespect and plain violence. So when they hurt other people, I punish them and make them realize that they are wrong. I also teach them politeness and kindness, but it takes a lot of practice and sometimes they miss it, but what is important is to not give up. I am not a traditional mom, I really don't believe in hurting children because you want to prove that you know better and because you are in a bad mood and short-tempered. I try very much to not take out in my children all my frustrations and disappointments under the guise of discipline.
You tell me, what really is discipline? Although, I don't approve of hitting children, I sometimes think it is necessary but it should always be commensurate to the mistake or the wrongdoing. If a child refuses to eat because he is not hungry, then there is no reason to hit him, maybe he does not like the food, or maybe he had something to eat earlier which disrupted his appetite. However, if a child has intentionally hurt someone, then that warrants a more painful punishment. In this way, the child would learn the difference between what is really really bad or wrong, and will try not to commit that mistake again.
Parenting is difficult, it takes a lot of balance acts, sometimes on wires and poles...because if you punish too much, you end up with robotic and mindless children, because everything they do is criticized, they only learn what not to do. If you punish too little, then you end up with smart-ass children, who find ways to get out of their mistakes by blaming others, because they really don't know why they are being punished. What I find comforting is, that when you let your love for your children guide your decisions and actions, you will have active, playful, friendly, good tempered, behaved and beautiful children who know themselves and what they need to do to make other people happy.
As they say, love begets love, if you show children love and care, they will also love and care for you, without conditions. Children need a strong, comforting and loving parent, so they would feel secure and loved, if you don't provide this, children would constantly be seeking for security and love outside or from other people. And children has this amazing knack for knowing people who really love them, and they never forget them, and in times when they feel bad or scared, they would naturally cry out for that person to save them. Not because, that person has spoiled them, but because, they know that they will not be hurt. Ok,maybe sometimes children use it as an excuse to get out of a difficult situation, but they are children and they are fragile little hearts and minds, easily impressionable and corrupted. And the more we force them to do what pleases without consideration for their own personalities, they will grow up to become insecure children.
Insecure children are difficult, they constantly whine and cry, they do not want to be left alone, they cling to you like leeches and they really don't have any sense of identity apart from you. Who would want children to be this way? I want my children to be curious, to have a love for learning, for exploring their environments, to make their own choices and to have their own dreams and ambitions. And even of they are both under 2 years old at this time, it is never too early to start!
I know this has been a long diatribe but I am making a point here, love is not spoiling... love is love.
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